Bonus

I know, blame my boss, I got too much time on my hands!

This Poem just makes so much sense to me.

Warning - When I Am an Old Woman I Shall Wear Purple

When I am an old woman, I shall wear purple

with a red hat that doesn't go, and doesn't suit me.

And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves

and satin candles, and say we've no money for butter.

I shall sit down on the pavement when I am tired

and gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells

and run my stick along the public railings

and make up for the sobriety of my youth.

I shall go out in my slippers in the rain

and pick the flowers in other people's gardens

and learn to spit.



You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat

and eat three pounds of sausages at a go

or only bread and pickles for a week

and hoard pens and pencils and beer nuts and things in boxes.



But now we must have clothes that keep us dry

and pay our rent and not swear in the street

and set a good example for the children.

We must have friends to dinner and read the papers.

But maybe I ought to practice a little now?

So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised

When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple.

The Blood Thumper

I have come to the conclusion that something is terribly wrong with me. I have never been in love. Oh, sorry, correction, I have convinced myself that there was a time I was in love with this guy....this, two years after we drifted apart. Yes drifted apart. I can count the number of guys I have actually dumped. Am too nice, I will avoid you, have weird arguments with you and guilt trip you to thinking you are messing up my life and it is best that we remain friends. There is not a single ex of mine who will tell you we are enemies. If I was to meet with an ex right now, we would be chatting away like no ones business, I am that good at this dumping shit.

Anywho, I have never actually been in a long term relationship, and by long term I mean over six months. I get bored easily. And when that happens, my eye wanders, I lick my lips at the hot candy sitting at the bar alone drinking brandy (oh sorry, that is me, hehehe), okay at the hot candy who is drinking beer over there with his pals and wallah, Kafai has a hot steamy clande going.

So you see, I basically undermine all my relationships. And then I had this black book, which I used to put to good use till a pal of mine gave me a vibrating present. I know, I have great pals. Thanks D. Anywho, the incidences of drunk dialling clandes at 2am in the morning have drastically gone down. And I mean like, I have not drunk dialled in like six months!

After all that up there, some of you guys who don't know me well think that I am a heartless, use-you-and-dump-you kind of bitc...urm gal. I am not honest. Example, my pal D thinks am in love. Why, because I have been getting it on with one dude for two years on the regular. I try to tell them, the sex is the best I have ever had, it is an easy call-me-anytime-the hankering-strikes-NO-STRINGS-ATTACHED kind of deal. Now, who would not want that, huh? But truth be told, there was a time, those calls were being made about three-four times a week. Not good, one could form an addiction. And you know how those go.

Yeah, so to avoid addictions and other forms of semi-permanent attachments, it was only prudent that I reduce the contact hours and only succumb when I know nothing else will do other than, yeah. Am sure he understands, and appreciates this very noble sacrifice.


But here is the problem, this blood pumping thing that thinks it controls other things like emotions is sending funny signals of late. It says it is tired of the no strings attached arrangement. It wants a ball of string to play with. I hope it strangles you to death, you, you, ungrateful heart!

Commercial Break

Last post was in July? Jeez.
In my defence, I have been thinking that too many of you online friends have met me already and this makes it harder to post honest stuff up in here. Just thinking that one day when am a big shot somebody will rat me out as the author of this blog and pouff there goes my dreams of holding public office.

I have entertained thoughts of starting a new blog, new alias, but am too lazy. So, I have decided that I shall continue blogging right here, the content might start getting weirder, but what the heck, some of you already think that I am weird.

I have so much to tell you but right now I have gone absolutely blank. Urm, lets see, oh I know, there is a post I have been meaning to put up. It will be up after these few words from our sponsors.

Actually, that above there was the commercial break. Refresh after say, 15 minutes for a new post. I love you too.